I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
