Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Randomize
