She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
