Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
