I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
