idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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