after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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