"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
