i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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