ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
