I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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