It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A+ Viking dick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
