so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
