I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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