Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
