I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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