Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
