Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
