Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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