I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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