It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
