So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
