living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize