He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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