he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
please come you make the beer taste better
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
