you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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