i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize