Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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