Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
