Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
