Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
