i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
