i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
