Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
