I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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