Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
