why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Randomize
