In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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