saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
