the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
