Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
