You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
