This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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