I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
