I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
