He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
