i permit you to call me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize