are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
