remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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