I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
