I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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