and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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