I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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