Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
