I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
