Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
