KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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