You really coming over, don't trick.
Non-Jews are for practice
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
