Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
