What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize