Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
